Girling

Are we letting The Patriarchy pick our fighter?

I recently read an article on why Meghan Markle “can never” be a feminist. The article suggested that because of her position of wealth and power, the Duchess of Sussex is somehow incapable of believing and embodying feminist thought. (If you haven’t guessed by now, I disagree with this sentiment.)

Why do we gate-keep feminism? It feels like everyone has different opinions on what makes a “real” feminist. She must be a career woman, not a stay-at-home mom. She must be a bra-burning, man-hater, not someone with plenty of breast and community support. She must be a she and a she who was born and remains a she. And now, apparently, she must also be… disadvantaged? Inconsequential?  Who benefits from the restrictions the feminist community places on the feminist movement?

At its core, feminism is the belief that all people are equal and deserve equity in all realms regardless of sex. How can that be constrained to specific groups of people? In a movement designed to change society, having powerful people as part of a diverse supporter base is a good thing. If a person in a position of privilege sees, sympathizes, and acts on the plights of those less privileged- I say welcome them with open arms. The tendency of women to gate-keep one another is a reflection of a patriarchal society that has tricked us into seeing one another as competition for everything, even discrimination. It’s a form of internalized sexism, where women reflect the sexism present in their environment. As cliché as it may be to blame sociological phenomena on the ubiquitous (and therefore anonymous) patriarchy, I blame The Patriarchy.

The Patriarchy has created an environment in which women compete with other women for power and privilege because women are not guaranteed either by virtue of being a woman the way that men are. If you’ve ever taken an evolutionary biology class, maybe this will sound familiar to you. Let’s say there is one male monkey in a group of monkeys and the female monkey who mates with him is not only most likely to have offspring (the ultimate evolutionary goal), but she is also more likely to get more food, more power, more protection, and live a longer, better life. There is a distinct advantage to compete with the other female monkeys in the group in order to achieve the attention of the male monkey. Humans are more or less the same. Because there is a distinct advantage to competing with other women, whether it is for the attention of a mate, a promotion, prom queen, or even the “right” to call oneself a feminist, women do it. However, I am here to encourage others to break the cycle of internalized sexism.

There is room for all of us not just in the feminist movement, but everywhere. Your light is not battery powered; it is a flame. Lighting someone else’s candle does not make your own light dimmer. It’s difficult to recognize and dismantle a thought process, especially when it is engrained in society and implicitly taught to you your whole life. But it is possible. I catch myself all the time feeling jealousy or an obscure hatred of a woman who I perceive as smarter/funnier/more successful/prettier/cooler/whatever than me. It’s natural. It’s evolutionary. It’s biological. But it’s not destiny. As fourth wave feminists, we have a responsibility to learn from our feminist foremothers and include all people in the movement. Don’t gate-keep the movement. Embrace its humanitarian appeal and use it to bring as many folks into the fold as possible. We cannot afford to pick and choose who “can never” be a feminist.