Are all things secretly gendered? Should they be?
Last summer, I worked as a waitress in an upscale restaurant in London. It was a really fun job and I enjoyed my coworkers and the customers (usually) and the food was delish. One day, I overheard a conversation between the owner and a regular where the owner referred to our restaurant as “feminine.” As a clearly outspoken feminist, it took everything in me not to challenge this statement on the spot. I asked the owner about it later, and he said that all restaurants are either feminine or masculine and gave the example that a steakhouse that offers an extensive selection of cigars and whiskey is masculine whereas our restaurant, which offered several fish dishes and an array of lighter options was feminine. At the time I had to let it go, but obviously I have not forgotten.
Gender is defined as the performance of sex-specific, socially-constructed roles. For example, wearing makeup is related to women (gender) but is not specific to females (sex). So my question is, if we create and perform gender, are we creating a world in which we have to gender everything? Do restaurants need to be gendered?
What upset me about the restaurant owner’s comments was the reasoning behind gendering a restaurant. Although businesses should be gender-neutral, he asserted that restaurants should be masculine or feminine based on if they serve more traditionally masculine or feminine items. Personally, I love whiskey. And when I ate meat, I loved steak. That doesn’t make me any less feminine. I’m feminine because I identify as a feminine woman. My interests and preferences don’t influence that identifier, just like a man is no less masculine for drinking white wine or liking shopping.
We have created all existing gender norms. They’re made up. I think by creating a gendered society, we are simultaneously creating restrictions on who and what we can be. And while, from an evolutionary standpoint, this makes some sense (our brains create boxes to quickly categorize new things and make assumptions for the future based on past experiences), is it actually beneficial?
I think it would actually be better to refrain from gendering things unnecessarily. I think this practice creates more pressure for people to identify with pre-existing gender distinctions and roles, some of which are truly outdated and even harmful. If we hope to move away from deleterious stereotypes and gendered-oppression, we need to stop putting ourselves, others, and, yes, even restaurants into gendered categories.
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