Girling

So you agree? You think you’re really pretty?

Before we jump in here, let’s set some ground rules: I think every person is beautiful. I think that there is beauty in scars and experiences and abilities and all types of appearances. There is no one definition of beauty because it’s entirely made up and changes with society (remember the early 2000s?). So I think everyone can relate when I say that it is so hard being beautiful.

There are three things in particular that come to mind when I think of issues us beautiful women face:

1. Staring – I feel like no matter where I am or what I’m doing, people are constantly staring at me. I get looks in the grocery store and on the street and even while I’m driving.
2. Catcalls – Today I was catcalled while stuffing my face with a giant pizza. Enough said.
3. Underestimation – People have assumed that I am incapable or unintelligent based on my appearance on more than one occasion. Does anyone else wear their glasses for job interviews to look smarter?

Being pretty has presented itself with everyday occurrences that I have learned to take in stride and manage over time. It also somehow gives strangers the impression that they can look and say and assume whatever they’d like about you. I recently described it to someone as similar to when you start talking to a dog on the street without considering their owner.  You assume that the Chihuahua is going to be stuck up and that the Golden Retriever will be friendly. You think that because the dog is there and the dog is cute, saying hello (or even petting it) is both warranted and wanted, even if it’s not. Well. It’s me. I’m the dog.

I don’t want you staring at me. It makes me uncomfortable and, odds are, I haven’t washed my hair that day. I don’t want you talking at me. I don’t like making conversation with strangers and it makes me think you’re going to follow me home. I don’t want you assuming who I am. I am a full person with thoughts, experiences, and feelings. I have spent my whole life being more than just pretty. Which makes it hard being pretty. Which makes it harder when people think that I am just pretty.

Women are so often assumed to be just pretty, and it can be so deleterious. My aunt told me once that growing up, she was known for her good looks and developed an eating disorder so that people would consider her personality more than her appearance. I have been denied opportunities at school and at work because, in one look, it was assumed that I wouldn’t be up to the task. People are shocked that I can assemble furniture and fix a sink and deadlift my body weight. People turn when they hear me describe my dissertation or explain a complex biologic process. I’m pretty, but I’m not just pretty.

In a lot of ways, I’m not like other girls. In a lot of ways, I’m exactly like other girls. Every girl or woman I’ve known has been beautiful and clever and talented in her own way. You too are beautiful and clever and talented in your own way. It’s so hard being pretty, but you are so much more than just pretty.